


Gone

by caesarinoandcheese



Category: RWBY
Genre: Implied/Referenced Character Death, Vent Writing, technically arkos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-07
Updated: 2016-05-07
Packaged: 2018-06-06 21:15:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6770164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caesarinoandcheese/pseuds/caesarinoandcheese
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Losing a loved one is never easy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gone

**Author's Note:**

> Vent writing more than anything. Just had to get some stuff off my chest.

It didn't matter how many days, weeks, months, or years passed, there was always pain hovering around his heart. Some days were better than others. He could laugh, smile, joke, pretend everything was okay, that his world was whole. Some days the not-so friendly reminder of what happened left him alone, let him live his life. Those were the good days, the days he felt normal, felt human. Those kinds of days tended to outnumber the bad, but when it hit him, when that reminder came forward bearing it's ugly grin it didn't matter that the beginning of his day had been great, that he had laughed with his friends, been excited for future plans, every bit of it came crumbling down.

Things always started out small, a pain in his heart that reminded him that Pyrrha should have been there laughing and joking with them, walking side by side with them- with him. Most times he tried not to let it bother him, pushed it aside and tried to continue on with his day. The more he did that, the more he thought of it, gave the little nagging thought in his mind any sort of attention, it only grew until that unfriendly little thought turned into something more frightening and fierce than any Grimm or enemy he had ever faced. It dragged memories forward, whispering in his mind.

Pyrrha should have been here.

Pyrrha should have been laughing, joking, and having fun with them.

Things would have been easier with Pyrrha around.

Things would have been so much better if she were still here.

Those thoughts were easy to ponder on and dismiss the next day, focusing on his team, on being the leader they deserved. The more distractions he had, the better. The more work that needed to be done the longer he could go pretending things were okay. The longer he had something to keep him from thinking on those lurking little demons the longer he could keep them at bay.

Sometimes they disappeared, pushed back by reminders of the now and not the then.

Other times they lurked until the right moment struck, surging forward to replace sadness with bitterness at himself and others. How unfair was it that Pyrrha had been ripped away from him, from the team, from the life she was making for herself? How unfair was it that he could remember her smile, the way her eyes lit up, the looks she gave him that he only realized after she had been ripped away from him, but he couldn't remember the warmth of her as she helped him with his swordsmanship, couldn't remember the way her voice sing-songed, or her laugh? 

She wouldn't want him to blame himself for what happened, he knew that, but at the same time he couldn't help it. He could have done something. If he had, maybe she still would have been there next to him. If he had, maybe things would have been better. Maybe his life from that point forward wouldn't have been so filled with personal disappointments and troubles.

Those thoughts built and built until he could blame no one but himself and tears gathered at the edges of his vision, blurring everything. He had done too much crying to let them fall, even if he knew it would have been better. They wouldn't roll down his cheeks no matter how much he yelled at himself to get it over with and just break down already. And it only made things that much worse.

He couldn't go to Ren or Nora with his issues. They'd be there for him, he knew that, but he was their leader. He wasn't supposed to break down, the pressure behind his eyes growing until he was a sobbing, blubbering, snotty mess with a pounding headache blocking out anything other than his own pathetic whines. He was supposed to be strong, be their rock, help them through issues like these. He had gone to Ruby too many times in the past to bother her with the same issue over and over. Who else was there to turn to? Who was there to help him distract himself, pull him away from his thoughts and the shadows that clung to him, dragging him deeper and deeper into his own personal hell? 

People would be there for him if he reached out, he knew that, but after so long he only felt like a burden in doing so. He should have been over it. It shouldn't have been bothering him as much as it did. Oh, how he wanted someone to reach out towards him first, grab his hand and drag him away from his problems, invite him out to a simple meal or simply sit with him and let him know that things were okay. But they weren't obligated to, he knew. They had their own problems to worry about. They weren't required to shoulder his burden and baggage on top of their own. So, he kept it to himself, letting it drag him down for days, tainting every little memory and thought until it eventually drifted away, content to return to the shadows of his mind and bide its time.

After all, losing a loved one was never easy, and the pain never went away.

No matter the good moments.

No matter the bad moments.


End file.
